I spent last week\u2019s Wednesday in the most wonderful fashion possible. Being the new, utterly hopeless sophomore at IMSA that I am, I decided to list some of the worst possible things you could potentially do to yourself while you\u2019re here.<\/p>\n
1)<\/strong> The Problem: American Studies Paper on the Civil War, due at 11:59:59 p.m. on Wednesday.<\/p>\n The Solution: Don\u2019t start writing until 8 p.m. the day of, and then suddenly realize that Internet shuts off half an hour early; therefore, the true deadline is 11:30:00 p.m., so better start that paper soon\u2026..! At 10 check, be sure to run out of things with which fill the page count requirement, and if you\u2019re feeling particularly spectacular, start all citations at approximately 11:20:00 p.m. Don\u2019t bother to proofread either \u2018cause that\u2019s an \u201cafter-you-see-the-grade\u201d problem—just turn it in!!!<\/p>\n The Result: Six pages of solid crap filled with flowery language, excessively magniloquent modifiers, enough semicolons to make Dr. Smith cry, and enough quotations to make Turnitin conclude your paper was completely plagiarized. Submitted precisely at 11:27:43 p.m.<\/p>\n 2.)<\/strong> The Problem: Sophomore Class Club Application due at 11:30:00 p.m. on Wednesday (the same Wednesday as above).<\/p>\n The Solution: Go to the interview at 10:10:00 a.m. and pretend you kinda know what you\u2019re talking about, and when you feel like it, copy all the questions from the Google Form application onto a Word Document. Answer them at around 7 p.m. (when you should be concentrating on a six-page paper instead) and don\u2019t bother to proofread your responses (because then, you realize you should be concentrating on a six-page paper instead). Copy and paste everything into the application at 11:28:00 p.m., right after the paper gets submitted. Your roommate, if she\u2019s nice, will be praying for your salvation.<\/p>\n The Result: Unedited garble that\u2019s hardly decipherable and completely contradicts everything you said in the interview a few hours ago. Turned in precisely at 11:31:17 p.m. and yes, it actually got submitted despite a one minute and seventeen seconds violation of the deadline. After that drama\u2026.<\/p>\n 3)<\/strong> The Problem: MI-IV Problem Set \u201cdue\u201d at 8:00:00 a.m. on Thursday (the next day after the above Wednesday)\u2026because you like extra credit.<\/p>\n The Solution: Start doing math the day you should be writing the paper, get most of the answers from someone smarter than you at the study session, and then check most of those answers with various people who are also smarter than you and have the pleasure of living across from you. At around 11:45:00 p.m., recognize the existence of WeBWorK and realize that there\u2019s no way the thing will be finished by tomorrow. Give up hope on receiving enough extra credit to outweigh your transgressions.<\/p>\n The Result: Find someone smarter than you to help with WeBWorK on Thursday evening, pray that your problem set answers are correct, turn in everything Friday morning, and watch with despair as your grade steadily follows a negative exponential curve.<\/p>\n 4)<\/strong> The Problem: Cases for Debate Team due on Thursday at 4:30:00 p.m.<\/p>\n The Solution: Don\u2019t write it because you have other stuff to do.<\/p>\n The Result: Don\u2019t show up at practice, and then write everything next week the night before practice.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I spent last week\u2019s Wednesday in the most wonderful fashion possible. 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