When asked about her first few months at the Illinois Mathematics and Science Academy, sophomore Jane Doe enthusiastically praised the exclusive learning environment, one that \u201creally can\u2019t be found anywhere else in the state of Illinois.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI feel like I\u2019m touring Antarctica!\u201d Doe exclaimed, attired in a heavy-duty parka, cotton snow pants, fleece winter boots, and a wool scarf. \u201cI love the freezing temperatures—it\u2019s probably a leading\u00a0factor in success at IMSA.\u201d<\/p>\n
The educators seem to agree with this assessment. Dr. Brown, a math teacher and psychologist, said that the air conditioner is the newest form of motivation for students.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe colder it is, the harder they work,\u201d he explained. \u201cI remember one week when, despite my professional advice, the administration was actually foolish enough to keep the building at a normal, above-zero temperature! The heat caused my students to fall asleep, and the next week, all of my classes failed their calculus tests. It was unacceptable.\u201d<\/p>\n
The administration admitted to the mistake, promising that it would not happen again.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat incident was a severe blunder on our part,\u201d said a spokesperson from the principal\u2019s office. \u201cYou see, many of the students had gotten hypothermia or frostbite, and a few died on-site, so parents started calling in. We thought that a little warmth here and there would be alright, but I am sorry to say that we have been proven wrong. Teenagers simply cannot be trusted. IMSA must remain at arctic temperatures in order to maintain our standard level of achievement and excellence. No other way ensures our continued record of success.\u201d<\/p>\n
Additionally, the cold environment works well with the budget plan. Since IMSA currently has an obscene amount of money, it is only natural that the school will put it to full use towards their goal: igniting and nurturing creative, ethical, scientific minds that advance the human condition.<\/p>\n
\u201cI intend to fulfill IMSA\u2019s mission statement by advocating for polar environments in all schools,\u201d said senior Liam Madison, a three-time national science fair finalist. \u201cMy research showed that the facility\u2019s temperature was the leading element to my own academic success. It is only reasonable that other students be given the opportunity to experience the same conditions I was lucky to have.\u201d<\/p>\n
Even the school security finds surprising changes arising from IMSA\u2019s frosty temperature.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow that it is getting colder inside, students stopped hanging their jackets up. Now, they no longer use lockers and come bother us because they lost something. You have no idea how annoying it is when the lost and found box overflows with coats, or when we have to sit there and listen to one student accuse another of stealing his winter stuff,\u201d said Max Thomas, Chief of Security.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt helps with the dress code, too,\u201d said Doe. \u201cEvery student who decided to wear skirts and shorts when the temperature reached below zero has been hospitalized for either hypothermia or frostbite. Nobody gets in trouble anymore—they either live or die. We get to witness natural selection in progress.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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