{"id":33716,"date":"2022-05-20T17:19:38","date_gmt":"2022-05-20T22:19:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites.imsa.edu\/acronym\/?p=33716"},"modified":"2022-05-24T13:22:15","modified_gmt":"2022-05-24T18:22:15","slug":"an-open-letter-to-the-parents-of-transgender-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sites.imsa.edu\/acronym\/2022\/05\/20\/an-open-letter-to-the-parents-of-transgender-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"An Open Letter to the Parents of Transgender Kids"},"content":{"rendered":"

The following is an editorial from an IMSA student. This letter has been reviewed only for clarity and the appropriateness of its language, and no edits have been made to its content, claims, or assertions. The Acronym supports respectful discourse about the challenges facing our community and welcomes comments on this article which uphold that standard.<\/em><\/p>\n

Submitted by: A Trans Kid<\/p>\n

So, your child just came out as trans and you don\u2019t know what to do. I bet you feel conflicted. On one hand, you\u2019ve spent X number of years perceiving your child as their assigned gender at birth (AGAB), you referred to them with the name you gave them (aka deadnaming), you have used pronouns associated with their AGAB, and might have even signed them up for sports that placed them in a team based on their AGAB. Now their gender has changed, they have a new name, use new pronouns, and might even be calling upon you to assist them in medically transitioning to their preferred gender presentation. Your worldview has been shaken up, your common sense challenged, and your status quo obliterated. How are you supposed to deal with all these challenges in a way that isn\u2019t offensive to your new trans kid? And how do you do it in a way that doesn\u2019t cause them too much gender dysphoria? Well, allow me, a trans kid who’s out to faer parents guide you.<\/span><\/p>\n

The first thing you gotta do is suck it up, you big baby. Yes, you are used to your child being their AGAB, but you were also used to the United States not being at war with half the Middle East before 2001, and you adapted perfectly fine to that. A lot of people will tell you to take time to \u201cmourn\u201d the child you had before they changed their name and pronouns. Don\u2019t do that, either. Your child is right there, still your kid, probably pissed off you\u2019re acting like they died. So stop mourning your trans child as if they\u2019ve died, because it isn\u2019t productive.<\/span><\/p>\n

Second, I bet you\u2019re having a hard time adapting to your child’s new name and pronouns. After all, you weren\u2019t used to saying them before now. Well, I also bet you had no idea who Obama was before 2008, or what his pronouns were, but you still used them just the same. Toughen up. If you mess up that\u2019s fine, but apologize for it. Don\u2019t get too upset about it either; you didn\u2019t hurt yourself when you misgendered or deadnamed your kid, you hurt them, so don\u2019t cry about it like you’re the one suffering.<\/span><\/p>\n

Now, you\u2019ve mastered sucking it up, and not deadnaming\/misgendering your kid. What do you do after that? Well, a common experience amongst trans people is to medically transition. Your kid might ask you to help them with that \u2013 after all, they\u2019re financially dependent on you for the time being. Once again, you gotta toughen up and help them with the process. Don\u2019t give them any gripes about how \u201cthis is a big step\u201d or if they\u2019re \u201csure they want to do this?\u201d Chances are they\u2019ve thought long and hard about this, even before they came out to you, but didn\u2019t bring it up because they were afraid you\u2019d say the exact same thing that you\u2019re saying now. <\/span><\/p>\n

If they\u2019re young enough (12-14) then it\u2019s best to get them on puberty blockers. These halt the body from producing the testosterone or estrogen that develops the body into presenting more masculine or feminine. If you\u2019re worried about permanence, shut up; you don\u2019t know what you\u2019re talking about. Blockers have no permanent effect on the body, so you shouldn\u2019t give a crap about how they\u2019d affect your kid. If they\u2019re a bit older (15+), then blockers might not have the same effect depending on when you started them, and it may be time to get them on HRT. Let me be clear, as I cannot state this enough: Suck. It. Up. <\/span>HRT is extremely beneficial for the health of a trans individual<\/span><\/a>, and many of the very few who detransition (yes HRT is reversible) do so because they <\/span>lack social support<\/span><\/a>, not because they weren\u2019t trans. The danger of HRT is <\/span>less than that of birth control<\/span><\/a> so don\u2019t try and stop your child from transitioning.<\/span><\/p>\n

Other ways you can help your child\u2019s transition is to help them get gender affirming clothes, or calling others out for their transphobia, but mostly, the most infuriating thing I\u2019ve dealt with trying to get HRT is my parents dragging their feet on the issue. I was constantly going to meeting after meeting to make sure I was \u201cready\u201d and \u201cwouldn\u2019t regret\u201d a decision I have been dead set on for two years. You can do this from a position of absolute love and concern for them as an individual, but once again, they\u2019ve considered this longer than you have. While you were referring to your trans-daughter as he\/him, they were thinking about transitioning. While you were \u201cmourning\u201d them, they were looking into pills vs. injections vs. patches for HRT. And now, while you fret over their decision, they are hurting. Believe it or not, a lot of trans children who don\u2019t feel their bodies show who they are get gender dysphoria. All I have to say on that is, it\u2019s not a good feeling; it made me try to kill myself once. <\/span><\/p>\n

So what have we learned? Well I didn\u2019t learn anything, I was teaching you. You learned to suck it up, don\u2019t misgender your kid, and <\/span>support their transitioning<\/span><\/i>. The happiest I\u2019ve ever felt as a trans person was when my parents finally agreed to let me transition. I can\u2019t speak for all trans kids, but if your kid wants to transition they\u2019ll feel the same way. If they don\u2019t, your support will still be the best thing you could ever do for them. So please, take it from a trans kid, support your trans kid.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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