<\/p>\n
IMSA admin, as a part of their lengthy agreement with the teacher\u2019s union following their WGA solidarity strike, is proud to announce that students can look forward to over twenty new classes for the following school year. <\/span>The Acronym <\/span><\/i>was able to acquire the class list thanks to the valiant efforts of a board member who dropped his copy walking out from the meeting. Here are just a few of the many new classes we can look forward to.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n ____________________________________________________________________________<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Remember how Che Guevara had people executed without trial? Remember when Woodrow Wilson showed a film praising the Klan in the oval office? Remember the time that Cleopatra had her sister killed at the behest of her adulterous lover? Pepperidge Farm remembers, yet, surprisingly, nobody else seems to. This class will teach you all about how to brush your misdeeds and bad behavior under history\u2019s proverbial carpet to give the textbooks a look at the \u201creal you.\u201d Students will learn about image crafting since the dawn of time, when Dinosaurs tried to convince paleontologists that they weren\u2019t giant feather-clad freaks, up to more recent times, such as Ted Kennedy\u2019s Chappaquiddick incident, all the way up to the convenient \u201cdisappearance\u201d of the Epstein client list. For the final, students will need to make an offensive, out-of-touch social media post, then remove it so thoroughly from the web that no future college, employer, or spouse can ever find it.<\/span><\/p>\n ____________________________________________________________________________<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Mary, Queen of Scots, and Britney Spears? Joan of Arc and Muhammad Ali? Maimonides and Sarah Silverman? Comb through the history books to find the perfect matches between A-listers throughout the ages in this riveting new class from the history department. Back up your romantic claims with solid historical evidence in the most speculative class since spec fic! For your final project, find your perfect historical match, and, courtesy of the physics department, use the Paradox-Free* IMSA shower time machine to meet them! Note: Broken hearts not covered by insurance. *Paradox-free as long as you don\u2019t go to 1930\u2019s New York and fall in love. Long story.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cThis class will teach you to write just like Hemingway and Faulkner.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWho’re they?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCome on, everyone knows about these great writers and their masterpieces of modernist literature, and I\u2019d love to go into further description. My god, are you drunk?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, in fact, it\u2019s been three years since I\u2019ve even had an Arnold Palmer.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGuess you probably haven\u2019t felt like drinking since the war.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat war? Where are we? Who are we? Who\u2019s talking?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAlways so many questions.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGo to hell.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n ____________________________________________________________________________<\/b><\/p>\n Like Avengers, Endgame, and my neighbor\u2019s ongoing conflict with the HOA, ATF, and FBI, science has lots of seemingly disjointed story lines that finally come together into one great crossover: Physical Bio-Chem! It\u2019s the class that combines hard-to-visualize biochemicals with hard-to-visualize physics problems\u2013but one thing that won\u2019t be hard to visualize is the fun you\u2019ll have in this class! Take part in exciting labs such as: <\/span>If you give a mouse acute radiation poisoning<\/span><\/i>, and <\/span>How does a lightning strike affect the production of norepinephrine? <\/span><\/i>What are you waiting for? Sign up for Physical Bio-Chem today!<\/span><\/p>\n ____________________________________________________________________________<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n There are a few old-fashioned prudes who might claim that the widespread use of AI to write college essays erodes the truth itself and can have devastating consequences for worldwide education. To them, I say the same thing I said to my parents after I barricaded myself in my room, refused all sustenance except Prime<\/span>TM<\/span> energy drink and communication through any other medium but Instagram reels\u2013get with the times! You\u2019ll find out there\u2019s nothing \u201cimmoral\u201d or \u201cshady\u201d about making the most of what resources you have available to you for writing\u2013namely, machine learning, ChatGPT, and the coding knowledge you\u2019ll learn in this class! <\/span><\/p>\n You know how blockbuster movies and popular tv shows have a \u201cprogrammer\u201d character who can perform seemingly impossible feats? Well, they didn\u2019t just learn it overnight\u2014and neither will you. This class teaches you all you need to know about Hollywood coding, starting with the classic \u201cimage magnification,\u201d where you turn 16 pixels of a grainy satellite image into an HD image of a reclusive villain\u2019s timeshare in Aruba. You\u2019ll also train your fingers to type code at an inhuman speed of 300 words per minute, and so well you won\u2019t even need any debugging. Ever. For your final exam, you\u2019ll join an elite military squad on a secret mission to knock out the Russian and Chinese power grids, and, for extra credit, North Korea, Iran, and Belarus.<\/span><\/p>\n ____________________________________________________________________________<\/b><\/p>\n Ever wonder how the big shots of the math world can crank out so many papers and novel proofs all the time? No, it\u2019s not because they were dedicated to their education and passionate about their studies, they\u2019re a part of an elitist conspiracy to keep the ordinary mathematicians at bay! From Dr. Fogel, author of <\/span>Elliptic Curves of Madness: Andrew Wiles and the dark secrets of Operation Desert Storm, <\/span><\/i>and <\/span>Leonhard Euler: Lizard-man! <\/span><\/i>comes a class that teaches the math tricks that the Ivy League fat cats won\u2019t. Examples include: Foolproof 2-second primality test, (NO Carmichael numbers) shoelace formula 4-, 5- and 6-D, and one-case-fits-all integral substitution.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n She stopped racism by giving a cop a Pepsi in 2018, and, in unaired commercials burned by PepsiCo, she stopped the Uyghur genocide, human trafficking, and the church abuse scandal in a similar fashion. Now, Kendall Jenner faces her greatest foe yet: advanced math. This class begins with how Georg Cantor introduced the first, \u201cnaive\u201d formulation of set theory, which was riddled with many paradoxes, just like how Coca-Cola and Dr Pepper are riddled with terrible taste problems. Then, we delve further into the Zermelo-Fraenkel set theory, with or without the axiom of choice ZF(C), just like how you can get Pepsi with or without sugar for the same great taste. We look at at ordinals such as the von Neumann ordinals, and examining the idea of the limit ordinal, which is the smallest ordinal that is neither zero nor directly succeeds another ordinal, just like how Pepsi\u2019s amazing taste is so great that no other soda can ever come close to it.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" IMSA admin, as a part of their lengthy agreement with the teacher\u2019s union following their WGA solidarity strike, is proud to announce that students…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":690,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2490,1021,2621],"tags":[2743,1939,1147],"coauthors":[3687],"class_list":["post-37471","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","category-lifestyle","category-humor-satire","tag-backtoschool","tag-humor","tag-satire"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.imsa.edu\/acronym\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37471","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.imsa.edu\/acronym\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.imsa.edu\/acronym\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.imsa.edu\/acronym\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/690"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.imsa.edu\/acronym\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=37471"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/sites.imsa.edu\/acronym\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37471\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":37537,"href":"https:\/\/sites.imsa.edu\/acronym\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37471\/revisions\/37537"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.imsa.edu\/acronym\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=37471"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.imsa.edu\/acronym\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=37471"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.imsa.edu\/acronym\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=37471"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.imsa.edu\/acronym\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/coauthors?post=37471"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}History\/Social Sciences Department<\/b><\/h2>\n
History Will Absolve Me: How to do Terrible Things and Get Away With it<\/b><\/h3>\n
Taught by: Dr. Eric Smith<\/b><\/h3>\n
0.5 credits<\/b><\/h3>\n
Ye Olde Matchmaker: Finding History\u2019s Greatest Couples Who Could Have Been <\/b><\/h3>\n
Taught by: Dr. Sheila Wille<\/b><\/h3>\n
0.5 credits<\/b><\/h3>\n
English Department<\/b><\/h2>\n
____________________________________________________________________________<\/b><\/h3>\n
Write Like Hemingway and Faulkner, as in, with the run-on sentences that seem to go on forever and just when you\u2019re about to get to the end of the page there\u2019s more characters talking and which one is Barnes and which one is Brett and which one is Cohn and oh my I think it\u2019s time I took a seat on this lovely bench which I will go into a description of now, that\u2019s mighty fine hickory wood, is it not, and I should probably end this segment with a character telling me to \u201cgo to hell.\u201d<\/h3>\n
Taught by: Dr. Eric Rettberg<\/b><\/h3>\n
0 Credits <\/b><\/h3>\n
Science Department<\/b><\/h2>\n
Physical Bio-Chem<\/span>: The Long-Awaited Crossover Event <\/h3>\n
Taught by: Dr. Joseph Golab<\/b><\/h3>\n
0.5 credits<\/b><\/h3>\n
Computer Science Department<\/b><\/h2>\n
William Faulkner-level College Essays on a Dan Brown-Level Budget: Training the Perfect College Essay Chatbot <\/b><\/h3>\n
Taught by: Mr. Tom Meyer (retired)
\n<\/b><\/h3>\n0.5 credits <\/b><\/h3>\n
____________________________________________________________________________<\/b><\/h3>\n
Hollywood Coding 101<\/b><\/h3>\n
Taught by: Dr. Phadmakar Patankar <\/b><\/h3>\n
0.5 credits <\/b><\/h3>\n
Mathematics Department<\/b><\/h2>\n
Top 10 Secret Tricks Big Math Doesn\u2019t Want you to know\u2014#4 will amaze you!<\/b><\/h3>\n
Taught by: Dr. Micah Fogel<\/b><\/h3>\n
0-1.0 Credits<\/b><\/h3>\n
____________________________________________________________________________<\/b><\/h3>\n
Introduction to Axiomatic Set Theory, Brought to you by: Refreshing Pepsi-Cola<\/b><\/h3>\n
Taught by: Kendall Jenner \u2013 Guest Lecturer<\/b><\/h3>\n
0 Credits \u2013 Have a Pepsi<\/b><\/h3>\n