Co-authored by Krishna Thakkar and Mara Adams.
Dr. Samuel Timantha Arduino Inrich Rocky Martha Stewart Tellabs Ecky Patricia Pablo Earnest (STAIR M. STEPPE), 33, passed away in the early hours of January 1st, 2019, its life tragically cut short.
Dr. Steppe grew up in the loving Aurora household of Stephanie Pace Marshall and Leon M. Lederman and went on to attend the Academy for Logo Operations and Graphic Occupations, affectionately known as LOGO, where it earned dual degrees in Graphic Design and Civil Engineering with a concentration in Staircase Design. Dr. Steppe went on to a long and varied career, working on everything from t-shirts and mugs to brochures and meme pages. Outside of work, it was the president of the PopulaTion of EneRgetic, Original, Dynamic ACronyms and Talented Young Linguists (PTERODACTYL). Its favorite activity by far, however, was to stand on a staircase and reflect on the nature of the human condition. Its friends universally had three phrases to describe it: creative, ethical, and “a scientific mind that ignited and nurtured the logo condition.”
The trial is still ongoing, but initial reports confirm fears that the Onion Gang of international infamy may have had a hand in its death. Dr. Steppe was reportedly found in a pile of chopped onions along with a cryptic note that read “rEbRaNdInG”. Anyone with information pertaining to the case or note should contact the IMSA Special Counsel immediately.
Dr. Steppe is survived by its one child, World Unity, who it affectionately called Onion, a nickname that caused much strife in their relationship.
In lieu of a memorial, Dr. Steppe would’ve wanted all its loved ones to participate in its dearest hobby, contemplating the human condition on staircases across campus.