IMSA Students Torch Neighboring School

IMSA students set fire to Aurora Catholic Central (ACC). Picture by Severance Graham ('18)

AURORA, IL- Following their cross-country victory on Thursday, IMSA athletes gathered to participate in a long-standing Titan tradition: setting fire to Aurora Central Catholic (ACC).  Attendance at this Thursday’s celebration ran particularly high, especially as this week’s burning marks the largest and most severe of several throughout the years.

Aurora Central Catholic, however, is already throwing itself into the reconstruction efforts. “God works in mysterious ways,” said one school official, “and that includes letting our school burn down every once in a while.” Compelled by a strong desire to begin charging its $6,000 tuition again, as well as an unyielding love of Christ, the school has begun construction on a new, nonflammable structure.

As to the question of why ACC hasn’t simply considered relocating? It’s just not a viable option, claims the school’s president Bernet Down. “In this political climate,” he says, “no one is safe.”

About the Author

Gary Yang
Hailing from the wilds of central Naperville, Gary Yang is the humor section editor this year. You can find him roaming around 01B in his free time, as well as pretending not to eat gluten (he has celiac disease but also lacks self control).

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