[Valentine’s Edition] A Step-by-Step Guide: Getting a Date for the Obsessed

Since there are only a few days before Valentine’s Day, here are a few tips to step up your game and get a date:

Find a target: Find someone that you talk to, at least a little. Make sure they’re in at least one of your classes because that makes it easier to reel them in. Having common breaks also helps.
Follow them: Follow your target around for a few days. Memorize their schedule and breaks. Find out their habits, such as approximately when they go to the bathroom every day, when they go to dinner, any extracurricular activities they’re part of, and if and when they work out. If you want to take it a step further, find out when they go on Facebook.
Fix your schedule: Start molding your schedule around what you’ve established as theirs. Find them when they go to dinner, or take a stroll towards the bathroom with them. Make sure to be on Facebook right when they are, so you can sit there and contemplate talking to them or not.
Hook their attention: Start sending them Valentine’s Day cards or secret presents. It’s vital that no one knows that you’re the one sending them, especially your target. This’ll create an air of mystery around you, and they’ll want to find out who you are. Continue this step while doing the next one.
Line: Start Facebook messaging them or texting them. If you don’t have their number, do NOT ask for it. Make sure that you get it from someone else, because you don’t want to make yourself seem too eager. Talk to them about anything and everything, and if they stop replying, make sure you follow up by asking them why they aren’t replying. If they have read receipts and you know that they’ve read your message and aren’t replying, make sure they know that you know. Mention Valentine’s Day, relationships, and even marriage as often as you can. Do NOT talk to them in person. EVER. If they talk to you, look away. You still need to maintain some of your mysterious aura.
And Sinker: Right before Valentine’s Day, admit to everything. Tell them how much effort you put into pursuing them. If you have a copy of their schedule, make sure to show them. They’ll immediately be impressed by how dedicated you are, and there you go. You now have a Valentine’s Day date.