Picture this. You’ve been having an insatiable hankering for some cool ranch Doritos but you don’t remember the last time your bank account balance was over 29 cents. You sulk as you imagine how crispy, crunchy, and cool ranchy those Doritos would be. Enter vending machines: The machine of convenience. Doritos no longer have to be a figment of your imagination. No. Now you can look between some couch cushions, underneath your friend’s bed, or in your trousers to dust up 75 cents. The machine will dispense cool ranch Doritos at your command.
Thankfully, IMSA’s campus has many of these machines. We’re going to determine which of them reigns supreme for YOUR shopping convenience. The machines will be rated on a scale of 1-5 on selection and accessibility. We’ll also highlight the harder to find items to make tracking down your treat much easier. The vending machine with the highest cumulative score will be crowned champion.
Selection: Drinks: 4.5/5 Snacks: 3/5 Total: 8/10
For drinks, 1501’s machine is quite stellar but admittedly has some duplicates. 01’s drink machine is one of the TWO residence hall vending machines that’s got Manzanita Sol so that’s enough said.
For snacks, we caught 1501 kind of slacking with 5 whole rows EMPTY, but according to the locals, we just caught them on a bad day. For this, they’re going to face some point deductions since someone’s going to be sad about not having their favorite snacks.
Since 01 is on one far end of campus, it’s not the most accessible for the hooligans prowling on the other end. However, these vending machines are closest to the parking lot, basketball court, and are the closest residential hall vending machines to the main building. Also since most off-campus trips are out of 01, a lot of students have more reason to visit.
Total Points: 15/20
Selection: Drinks: 4/5-4/5=0 Snacks: 4/5 Total: 4/5
The only complaint with 02’s snacks is that they don’t have gum. Either 02-ers chew a scary amount, or they don’t usually carry it.
With their drinks, they’ve been disqualified because the beverage vending machine is supposedly a mean-mugging thief.
02’s still a journey for those 06 and 07-ers but an improvement from 01.
Dove Dark Chocolate
Total Points: 11.5/20
Selection: Drinks: 4/5 Snacks: 5/5 Total: 9/10
03s has the goods when it comes to chocolate. Home to both the Hershey milk chocolate with almonds AND the dark chocolate Dove bar, come here to cure your cocoa cravings. They also have real Sprite if you’re tired of drinking Sierra Mist and pretending.
03 is pretty close to all of the other halls. The location is also optimal for grabbing a post-basketball snack.
Hershey’s- Milk Chocolate with Almonds
Dove dark chocolate
Total Points: 17/20
Selection: Drinks: 4.25/5 Snacks: 4.75/5 Total: 9/10
There’s nothing bad to say about the snacks. 04’s beverage vending machine is the first of the list to feature Gatorade! If you mess with the orange flavor you’ll be all about this location.
04 is the ultimate middle ground of campus. 01ers and 07ers alike can make the journey without too much hassle. 04 also has the laundry card machine which makes it a frequented spot on campus.
Flaming Hot Doritos
Total Points: 18/20
Selection: Drinks: 4.25/5 Snacks: 5/5 Total: 9.25
They’ve got all that anyone would want from a vending machine. Fully stocked with all the snacks from the other residence halls machines + Hot Fries. They’ve got the fixings!
People from 01-03 are going to be less inclined to traverse to 05, however with 05 slabs being a common area, the 05 vending machines are always an option for those party people.
Total Points: 18/20
Selection: drinks: ⅘ snacks: 4/5-⅕= 3.5/5 total: 7/10
Some awesome snacks can be found at 06’s vending machine, but again where’s the gum? If you’re looking to mint-ify your breath, turn around. AND on top of that, the machine eats your hard-earned quarters…
The 06 vending machines are perfectly positioned… for really only people that live in 06 and 07. Besides that, it’s about to be a hike for the rest of the people on campus.
Total Points: 13/20
Selection: drinks: 4.5/5 snacks: 4.5/5 total: 9/10
A local source has informed us, half the time the drink vending machine will eat a quarter but half the time it will give two drinks for the price of one. So, if you’re in the mood to test your luck and have a taste for some Cherry Coke, 07 is the place to be.
07 may as well be miles away from halls such as 01 and 02, it’s a pretty painstaking walk. However, there are plenty of occasions you might find yourself in the area: there’s a trip, you’re going on a walk, you’re running around the track, or you’re an 06-07 local.
Total Points: 16/20
- Tie: 04, 05: 18/20pts
- 03: 17/20pts
- 07: 16/20pts
- 01: 15/20pts
- 06: 13/20pts
- 02: 11.5/20pts
In conclusion, if you don’t agree with this ranking, take it up with the boss.
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