Satire

Titans Stretch Their Cognitive Muscles

NAPERVILLE, IL – At a recent gathering with friends from their hometown, several IMSA students couldn’t help but brag about the “real world curriculum” and “naturally inquisitive environment” that had…


5 Easy Steps to Graduate IMSA with a 5.0

It’s one of the most commonly asked questions: “How do I survive IMSA with good grades?” After extensive research and interviews, I have compiled a quick and easy tutorial on…


IMSA Students Torch Neighboring School

AURORA, IL- Following their cross-country victory on Thursday, IMSA athletes gathered to participate in a long-standing Titan tradition: setting fire to Aurora Central Catholic (ACC).  Attendance at this Thursday’s celebration…


Rauner Wants You to Stay

SPRINGFIELD, IL – Responding to criticism that the JCC Bubble Tea Cart didn’t complete its scheduled run on Thursday, Governor Rauner decided to take matters into his own hands, channeling…


Irma Here to Spice Things Up

AURORA, IL- Updated forecasts from the Weather Channel have Hurricane Irma arriving in Illinois as a tropical depression on Tuesday, making officials particularly worried that the storm could compound the…


IMSA Students Seek Food Alternatives

The number of unique visitors at Sodexo is at a 5-year low, according to a study published by the Illinois Malnutrition and Sleep Deprivation Association on Friday. The survey, which…