A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming a Better Prankster

*Disclaimer: Acronym does not take any responsibility for the physical or emotional repercussions of the victim or any other consequences that stem from your prank. Please use this guide with caution and reason.

Humor has existed since dinosaurs roamed the earth and cavemen banged rocks with their sticks. It continues to withstand the test of time and is prevalent in both media and in our daily lives. If one were to inspect the origins of humor, he or she would find several types of humor branching off  the fundamental root of comedy, one of which happens to be prank-related humor. I, for one, find great amusement from playing pranks. However, the prank must be effectively executed to achieve the greatest effect/amusement. The execution of pranks is not as simple as it sounds.  One must be meticulous and possess restraint, yet, at any given time, be ready to unleash all fury. This guide will instruct you in becoming not a typical mundane prankster but a LEGEN-wait for it-DARY trickster.

Step #1: Gain the agility of a Ninja

Silence is a ninja’s greatest trait because they are incredibly swift. You too should gain the speed and attentiveness of a ninja. This is a critical talent for a prank, as most pranks require the complete obliviousness of the victim. For instance, if I were to see my good friend across Yare and wanted to scare the living bejesus out of her, I would have to quickly cross Yare to reach her. However, I also have to be quiet because if she hears me and turns around then my prank would become an EPIC FAILURE. Thus, to succeed in the art of pranking, one must gain the agility of a ninja.

Step #2: Noise + Touch = Reaction

Through several years of tough training and hardships, I discovered the brilliant combination of two actions to produce the greatest (and the most entertaining) reaction from your victim friend. Going back to my friend in the previous example, I (having the skills of the ninja) had successfully crossed Yare and am about to scare her. Now this is the most crucial part of a prank. First, take your hands and shake your friend. Simultaneously, make your most terrifying voice. (This will be covered in Step#3) For me, my voice resembles that of a man, which I have thoroughly trained to attain. The combination of those two actions is extremely effective in terrifying your victim friend and causing him or her to scream or grow pale.  [WARNING: Make sure that your friend is not a black belt in Karate or a street fighter because their reaction may consist of a series of punches and kicks that will leave you unconscious and bleeding on the pavement]

Step #3: Master your villain’s voice

This step is pretty self-explanatory. Just make sure that the voice you choose is creepy. Typically, a lower voice is a creepier voice. However, there are several exceptions to this rule.

Step #4: Become a Professional Con Artist Better Actor

Being able to trick people into believing or doing something requires their gullibility and your amazing acting skills. If you have an extremely gullible friend, your acting skills do not have to be incredible to trick him or her. However, if your friend is extremely hard to convince, you will first need to star in a couple movies and win a golden globe. Some ways to improve your acting are practicing on gullible people and working your way up to more skeptical victims.

Step#5: I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing with you.

After a prank, it is important to execute the “I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing with you” strategy.  It is essential that you pretend that your prank is amusing for both parties. This plan is most effective with people you know, like your best friends and acquaintances. Dealing with an angry person is extremely tedious so make sure to keep the mood light.

Step#6: Don’t go too far

Make sure to do safe pranks. Try not to scare somebody on the top of a skyscraper or someone with an incredibly frail heart. Keep it classy.

Once you have mastered these steps, you are ready to reap the fruits of your labor.

At this time, I would like to thank all the people I have pranked over the years for believing in me and giving me the expertise that I have today. All your pain and heart attacks were put into good use and have not been wasted.