How to Gain Weight over Thanksgiving

After nights of sleep deprivation and stressful due dates, the upcoming five day break is a change we are all looking forward to. On Tuesday, concerned parents will be greeting their solemn and tired children and hoping that the most important thing in this holiday week  will put the color back into their faces: the Thanksgiving food.

Since the novelty of juicy turkey (or juicy broccoli for the vegetarians) and soft mashed potatoes doesn’t come often, Acronym will help you stuff as much of it as you can in one sitting so that you can come back filled and ready to attack the rest of the semester.

[DISCLAIMER: If you feel dizzy or nauseous, please put down the turkey leg, go take a quick breather and come back. People may tell you that overeating is bad but remember that they are your competition and are secretly planning to out-eat you.]

1) Invest in some solid maternity/oversized pants. You will soon have a food baby and want to be as comfortable as possible.

2) Start Fast! You don’t want to give your body enough time to realize how full it is.

3) Don’t drink too much water. It will fill you up and steal stomach space from the food. You can always drink water later. Right now, grab that turkey leg.

4) Don’t think too much. Eat. Breathing is overrated.

Remember that your only objective this entire week is to put what is on the table in your stomach.

5) If you don’t eat it, you will regret it.

6) Just in case you got confused, food is for EATING, not for facials.

In all seriousness, don’t hold back this thanksgiving break. If you don’t feel like Amy Poehler after eating your thanksgiving meal, you are doing it wrong.