Across campus, dorm lights flicker on, parkas cram into wardrobes, and administration prepares to shut off heating in another “2-Week Stall” in order to freeze away a few more contributors to the Sodexo food bill.
It’s an annual tradition for IMSA maintenance to wait to turn on heating service in the halls for 2 weeks after temperatures drop. Under the guise of confirming that heating is financially sustainable for the year, they leave students shivering in their beds at freezing temperatures. “I always thought IMSA didn’t want to kill us,” grimaced frost-scarred senior Mounisha Kovour (’18). “But the 2-week Stall proved me wrong.”
When well-prepared students returned to campus on Monday, trucks of comforters followed them in. “Winter is coming,” whispered one fearful junior in explanation. Over his shoulder, he lugged a bag of acorns.
Procrastinating students should be aware that this week’s temperatures will plunge well below freezing, with snow expected on Thursday. These students are advised to cuddle with friends — if they have any left alive.