With AP exams coming up in less than two weeks, most IMSA students frantically scramble to find practice FRQs online or labor over three hundred pages of confusing information. But those study tactics will do you no good. You need real, honest, and accurate information on the reality of studying for APs. Here’s a how-to guide on acing your AP exams this year.
DISCLAIMER: this is a satirical article; do not actually take these tips seriously unless you want to cry after seeing your scores. The material below is intended purely for humorous purposes (most of it, at least).
- Preparing ahead of time for the AP is for the mentally weak. The day before your AP exam, purchase or borrow a textbook (bonus points: steal them from your roommate and gaslight them into thinking they never bought that book!). As soon as ten check is over for the day, make sure that you eat a small snack before officially cracking that book open. Then, take a quick nap, chat with your roommate, rearrange your desk—oh wait, is it 2 already? Looks like I’ll have to study tomorrow.
- Actually, don’t even purchase or borrow a book. Why should you support the people writing the books and the big-name companies like Barron’s and Princeton Review? Pirate their books instead. Take a stand against capitalism. Websites like Library Genesis and Z-Library are perfect (shh, don’t tell teachers) for pirating AP books, SAT prep books, and even your calculus textbook. Since we all attend a school where ethicality is deemed our most important trait, we must understand how to pirate textbooks.
- Ways to answer questions during the actual test
- Fanfiction: Who has time to ponder over the FRQ prompts and give a well-educated answer? Instead, unleash your inner poet and spew out fanfiction about anyone—the AP grader, your school principal or president, that toaster in the wing you’ve been tempted to steal. Be creative, and pack in as many juicy details as you possibly can. Bonus points for explicit material.
- Drawings: Ok, let’s be honest here: AP graders are most likely tired of reading the same prompts about WWII or electrochemistry. Give them a break by drawing a little self-portrait, abstract art, or your celebrity crush.
- Bribery: If all else fails, tape in your debit card or some cash you happened to be carrying around—after all, money is everything, including college admissions and even AP tests. Who needs to study when you have daddy’s or mommy’s money? Pfft. Imagine.
If you employ at least one of these strategies, you are guaranteed to get that 5 you’ve been wanting. After all, if you don’t score a 5, you’re not going to college and you’ll have to live like a rat in your parents’ basement. Your very life depends on the next few exams you will be taking (like your tombstone will list all of the APs you took in high school), so take my advice. Don’t be a failure.